I have wanted to live in a van for quite some time now. I started telling people I would be a van woman when I was about 11 or 12, my grandpa brings it up to me pretty often.
My mom and I would have road trips back and forth between California and Iowa during the summers and winters.
I was always so excited to visit Iowa and see everyone I knew.
I loved the feeling of anticipation getting closer and closer, I loved the feeling of going into Motel 6s and getting to watch Family Guy or Robot Chicken.
I felt like the coolest kid to exist. A gas station or drive-thru food felt so cool to me then.
I just knew I always wanted to travel and see something new.  When we moved to Iowa, we no longer had the road trips. In the first year, we did not even have a car, or no one was able to drive us.
I missed being on the move; I craved it in a way.
Those car trips meant everything to me; I could listen to audiobooks, watch movies on my tiny portable DVD player, or hear my mom sing.
Those trips were turned into a school bus that was loud, terrifying, and full of people that I did not know. 
When I finally got my license, driving became an addiction.
I never wanted to go home; I would drive for hours.
Putting miles on my car that probably made it shit out on me way sooner than it was supposed to.
I would not care for how long, or where to. I enjoy just driving and pretending I am getting far away. 
I noticed this has followed me into adulthood.
After work, I only want to drive down River Drive until something brings me home.
I get into my car after a long day, and all I can think about is driving across the country.
I know nothing is waiting for me there, and I know there's nothing, though all I want to do is go there.
Sometimes, it feels like it is eating at me and pulling at my skin, and I feel on fire. 
Instead of trying to distract myself with relationships or the next thing, I need to do what I feel pulls at me.
If I do this, maybe pre-teen Kenna can finally get over whatever is still here.
I dream of going to whatever park I want, whatever show I want, or seeing whoever I wish to.
I am meant to be on the move; I was not built to be stationary. That is when the noise gets worse.
The closer I get to achieving it, the more excited I am to be me.
I'm doing the work and finding what I need to make it happen. 
All I want to do is travel and help people; I want to meet everyone I can. 
Everyone has an interesting story or something they want to share.
If they don’t, you show them something.
I want to make people laugh or listen to what is happening in their lives.
I want to be an entity, not a person anymore. 
I have lived too long as a person.
I want to collect trinkets or stickers and trade them along the way.
I want to be the middleman and connect people who would not have met otherwise. I think that’s something I am meant to do. I am not meant to be in a house or an apartment, I am meant to be on the way, to anything.
I don’t think I would be able to be truly happy any other way. Even when I have love or a great life, I am meant to be moving.
I don’t want that to change about me; I think it is me.
Getting over loneliness and self-pity is something that I am practicing now, so that when I finally have it, I won’t have any reason to be sad. I will just be grateful.
 I have to start leaving things better than I found them, instead of self-destructing every chance I get.